I Want to Show You Something:

Other words for control:

1. restraint
2. command
3. operate
4. dominate
5. manipulate

Okay. Somewhere to start.

A little online research: http://www.towerofpower.com.au/controlling-people
“Being controlling” is not just the wanting-everything-just-so way of life I’ve been thinking it is. Being a controlling person is actually completely messed up and involves abusing other people. This isn’t really the kind of control problem I’m interested in (I don’t think), but it’s certainly worth knowing more about.

Also, this week’s reading assignment is “Approaching the Unconscious” by Carl Jung, and quite possibly the rest of Man and His Symbols.

Other reading to investigate:

Freud?
Promptly dismissed The Control Book in a Google search for books about control, but actually BDSM would probably be pretty interesting to investigate. Hilariously, the author’s name is Peter Masters. Hahaha.
May as well read those books I claimed to have read in college, but didn’t really. Start with Simulcra and Simulacrum.
Reread some novels. Start with The Moviegoer.

Need to know more about control in art. Suggestions?
Oh, and I want to look into the dictatorship in Portugal. I don’t know enough about it, and it affected my family.

A few nights ago I fell asleep making a map in my head of the reasons I went to graduate school. I’ve been avoiding Parsons since I graduated, as if we had a horrible break up, but I’m finally ready to face facts.

My thesis, which I’d rather not resurrect but need to, isn’t really done. Well, the project I did for Parsons is done, but the thesis was really about figuring out why I want to be an artist and what it means. In a way, I suppose by blaming some identity issues I was saying that I don’t trust myself to really be honest. I’m good at mimicking and copying, but what happens if I let myself be original? By making art, I should be able to find my true self hidden in there somewhere, thus informing my identity. It’s a circle, get it? Every time I make something, I become able to articulate something new about myself that I couldn’t before.

However, the struggle is that I’m always absorbing outside influences, so whatever I think is my true self is really just an amalgamation of everyone (everything) else.

So now that that’s settled, I have a new thesis. This year, I plan to start making things about control. In another post I might explain this better, but the essence of the idea is that I like making things because I like being in control. It’s powerful and fun, and I’m bossy and controlling like that.

Okay! So let the work blog revival begin.